I Wonder
by DSalvatoresGirl
Summary: A story showing how Bonnie has always lived with the pain of having to live without a mother.


_**Sometimes I Think About You, Wonder If You're Out There Somewhere Thinkin 'Bout Me**_

One day, young Bonnie Bennett was sitting in her living room, looking at her father's old photo albums.

She was feeling sentimental…Her Grams had just passed away and she thought looking at old pictures would help her cope.

Bonnie was crying, looking at one photo with her Grams and herself, sitting together at one of her birthday parties. The picture showed her Grams hugging her and kissing her on the top of the head.

She turned the page of the photo album and wiped her tears when she saw a picture of her mother, Abigail, and her father.

They were smiling and there was no sign of Bonnie anywhere in the picture. _Does she even think of me? _She thought to herself as she stared at her mother's smile.

She heard a car door slam outside and quickly closed the book and ran to her father's room to put the albums back.

"Bonnie? You home, Honey?" She heard her father call, she made sure the books were exactly as she had found them before going to greet her father.

"Yeah Dad…I'm home…" She said just above a whisper as she walked down the stairs.

"Have you been crying?" He asked, looking at her closely.

"Well yeah, Dad…My grandmother died…What do you expect?" She said bitterly as she stormed off to her room.

When she slammed her bedroom door, she went to her dresser and pulled out a picture of her and her mother. She began to cry as she realized everyone always left her.

_Everyone leaves me…Everyone…_ She thought to herself as she laid in bed and cried that night.

* * *

_**Would You Even Recognize The Woman That Your Little Girl Has Grown Up To Be**_

Time has passed since that night…She's moved on and isn't so angry at the world anymore, she's just angry at herself.

Many things have happened, and now she doesn't even practice magic, fearing the temptations of dark magic. She's learned her lesson and now she knows what it means to grow up.

"I don't do any magic anymore, Caroline. I'm sorry…But find another witch." Bonnie said as Caroline was trying to get her to help with another vampire situation.

"There are innocent people in danger, Bon…_Jeremy _is in danger." Caroline tried to persuade her.

When she said Jeremy's name, Bonnie knew she had to help. She sighed in defeat before looking at her friend, "What do I need to do?"

Caroline smiled triumphantly, "Help us kill Connor. We need a witchy protection and a witchy distraction."

Bonnie sighed and nodded, "Okay…Let's do this."

xxx

She felt relieved as she hugged Jeremy, knowing that he was safe.

"Thanks, Bonnie…" Jeremy whispered in her ear as he hugged her.

"You're welcome…I couldn't leave you in danger…You know that, Jer." She smiled at him.

He smiled back at her before Elena came and hugged Jeremy as tight as she could without breaking him.

Bonnie smiled a little and looked around, staring at the aftermath.

Caroline saw her and smiled at her, _Thank you_, she mouthed to her. Bonnie just nodded a little in response.

A wind blew through the parking lot in the next moment, in the wind Bonnie heard a voice whisper _I'm so proud of you_

It was her Emily's voice…She smiled with tears in her eyes and giggled a little.

_Well, look at me now Abby. You sure missed a lot…I'm all grown now. _She thought to herself as she went to her friends to celebrate their small victory.

* * *

'_**Cause I Look In The Mirror And All I See Are Your Brown Eyes Looking Back At Me**_

As she got dressed the next day, she heard her Dad in the kitchen, getting ready to leave for another business trip. She sighed as she looked in the mirror.

Last night, when she got home, she had received a text from an unknown number. The text read: _I hope you're safe, Bonnie._

And she had a gut feeling that it was her mother. She just knew it. Now as she stared at her reflection, the only thing she could see was her mother's eyes…She hated her eyes.

They reminded her of the one person who broke her before she even knew what the word meant. They reminded her of the first person to abandon her without a moment's hesitation.

_**They're The Only Thing You Ever Gave To Me At All**_

As she looked in the mirror, she couldn't help but think that the one thing her mother gave her, was her eyes. And it was unintentional.

If it were up to her mother, there would be no connection to her whatsoever.

Her eyes were just a stupid product of genetics; and boy does Bonnie hate it.

As quickly as she could, she brushed her teeth, hair and put on her makeup. Desperate to get away from the mirror that was making her think of her mother.

When she left her bathroom, she realized her father had left for the day without saying a word to her.

"I am the perfect example of the phrase _Forever alone"_ Bonnie said as she went to make herself breakfast.

* * *

_**Oh I Hear The Weather's Nice In California, There's Sunny Skies As Far As I Can See, If You Ever Come Back Home To Carolina, I Wonder What You'd Say To Me**_

"Abby called me last night…Said she was in California…Getting used to being around people." Jamie told Bonnie as he sat with her at the Grill.

She sighed, "She texted me last night…Said that she hoped I was safe." She said with a roll of her eyes. "At least you're important enough to get a phone call."

"I'm sorry, Bonnie…She just…She thinks that since you grew up without her that you don't need her."

She scoffed, "Yeah…Because no girl really needs her mother."

Jamie shook his head, "You have to forgive her at some point…She does care for you."

"Then I'd love to hear it from her. But all I've ever gotten from her was the image of her back as she's running away." She said in a bitter voice.

"You need to stop being so angry at her, Bonnie…She's been trying…" Jamie kept pestering her.

"You don't get to tell me to stop being angry with her. _You_ were the one that got the oh so motherly Abby. I got abandoned. I have a right to hate her, got it?" She glared at him.

"All I'm saying is, that at some point, you're gonna have to get over everything." He said before he got up and left her there alone.

"Tell her I said to get the guts to call me or come see me. I wonder what excuse she'd spew out this time." She called out to him angrily.

* * *

_**I Think About How It Ain't Fair, You Weren't There To Braid My Hair Like Mothers Do**_

As Bonnie was walking to school, she saw a little girl running to the bus.

She smiled a little, envying her innocence, when she saw a woman, the girl's mother, run up to her and stop her.

She watched as the mother fixed the girl's hair before letting her go to the bus stop.

She sighed and kept on walking, feeling an ache build up in her chest again. The ache that she had felt for years now was back and in full force.

"Bonnie!" She heard Elena call to her, she turned and looked at her friend.

"Hey 'Lena…What's up?" She asked as Elena approached her.

"I saw you…You looked a little upset…Are you okay?" She asked her in a voice of concern.

Bonnie just nodded, "Yeah…Nothing new…A mother who doesn't even acknowledge my presence…I'm pretty good." She said with a hint of sarcasm.

Elena sighed and hugged her friend. "I'm sorry…I know it's hard…But you'll get through it…You always do."

Bonnie couldn't help but roll her eyes as she hugged her friend, Elena was always the one to look to the brighter side of things.

_As if any of that were really true. _She thought to herself.

* * *

_**You Weren't Around To Cheer Me On, Help Me Dress For My High School Prom Like Mothers Do**_

"It's Senior Prom you guys! Finally!" Caroline squealed in excitement as they were getting dressed in Elena's room.

"I honestly don't feel the excitement…If you think about it Care, we will probably have a lot of these if we pull a Cullen and go to school for eternity." Elena joked.

Bonnie frowned a little as she zipped up her dress, she hated the fact that her friends were stuck at this age forever.

"I am so not pulling a Cullen. I am going to explore the entire world a million times over." Caroline told her.

"You're not serious, right? You sound like a girly version of Klaus." Bonnie told her as she struggled to keep her hair up.

"Well he did give me the idea to travel like that…" Caroline said as she applied her makeup. "My mom said we could borrow any jewelry she has."

Bonnie felt another ache in her chest, feeling envy that Caroline had a mother. "Cool…" She responded quietly, still trying to keep her hair up.

Elena went over and helped her, "My mom taught me a trick…You make sure that you do a simple twist before you clip it…That way all of it stays and you don't have a bunch of bobby pins." She giggled.

Once again, she felt that familiar ache when Elena mentioned her mother. "Thanks Elena…" She whispered as she put on her makeup.

Elena smiled as she put on her shoes, already wearing her dress and makeup.

Caroline went and picked up her purse. "Ready? It's time to party!"

Elena giggled while Bonnie just smiled a little and nodded. "Let's go."

* * *

_**Did You Think I Didn't Need You Here To Hold My Hand To Dry My Tears? Did You Even Miss Me Through The Years At All?**_

As she was at the dance, she realized Jamie wasn't there. She got a little worried so she went out to the parking lot, pulling out her cell, she dialed his number.

She heard a ringtone coming from behind her, she turned and saw him standing there. "Jamie…You're kinda late."

"I know…I'm sorry I just…Needed time to think." He told her.

"Think about what?" She asked him, dreading where this was going.

"Bon…We can't keep doing this…Seeing each other…I don't like it…It's…wrong." He tried to figure out how to say it without hurting her.

"What do you mean _wrong?_" She crossed her arms.

"You're Abby's daughter…I'm like her son…And I think I can only see you as a friend or…sister…Anything more would just be weird." He shrugged.

She laughed a little, "And it all boils down to Abby…Always Abby…So you can't date your substitute mother's forgotten daughter? Really? How stupid do you think I am?" She glared at him.

He laughed, "Fine you got me. I really didn't like you. I just saw you as an easy lay…You were there at Abby's…You're kinda pretty…So I thought what the hell? But then I realized just how damaged you are…Magnum PI couldn't solve the shit going on in your head."

She fought back the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. "Then what are you still doing here? Just leave. I don't care."

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm kicking you to the curb and picking up my new girlfriend." He smirked as a girl from a car in the parking lot honked a horn.

"Have a nice life, Jamie." She said as she turned and went back inside, hiding her tears.

Stefan saw her in tears and went to her, "What happened?"

She just hugged him and cried, not caring who saw now. "I want my mom…" She whispered brokenly as she cried.

* * *

_**Forgiveness Is Such A Simple Word But It's So Hard To Do When You've Been Hurt**_

It has been ten years since Prom night, and Bonnie was going through another change.

"I'm angry all the time now. Why?!" Bonnie nearly growled at Stefan as he paced.

"Everything is magnified, Bonnie. You knew this before you had Kol turn you. You were angry about something when he turned you…You have to figure that out and fix it." Stefan told her.

"Fine…I've always been angry at my mother…How the hell do I fix that?"

"You have to forgive her." Stefan looked at her.

She laughed in his face, "Easier said than done."

Kol, who had been listening to their conversation, walked in and looked at Bonnie. "Believe me, forgiveness doesn't come easy, Sweetheart, but when it's given it is very gratifying for you."

"And this is coming from the guy who barely forgave his brother for locking him in a coffin." She scoffed.

Both men smiled at her remark.

"Well, Love, you need to try…I don't fancy having an angry wife for all eternity."

"Wife?" Stefan questioned as his eyebrows shot up in shock.

"He didn't know, Kol!" Bonnie whined. "Now he's gonna go run to Rebekah and tell her. Then she'll tell Klaus, he'll tell Caroline, she'll tell April, then she'll tell Elijah, then he'll tell Elena and she'll tell Damon!" She ranted.

Kol rolled his eyes, "Really Bonnie?" He looked to Stefan. "I proposed to her, alright? That's why she allowed me to turn her." He looked at Bonnie and smiled, "And who really cares if they know? I surely don't."

Bonnie rolled her eyes.

"Wow…Congratulations…Now let's get back on topic…You have to find Abby and talk to her…Or just forgive everything she's done. It's that simple, Bonnie." Stefan told Bonnie.

"Fine…Where is she? Do either of you know?" She questioned them.

Kol nodded, "She's now in northern California…She returned two weeks ago."

"Then…We're going to California."

* * *

_**Oh I Hear The Weather's Nice In California, And Just In Case You're Wondering About Me**_

As they approached the house that Abby was staying in, Bonnie felt anger build in her chest, which quickly formed into that familiar ache.

"I change my mind…I can't do this…" She said under her breath as she looked at Kol. "I can't…Let's just go home…I can forgive her from there…"

He sighed and held her face in his hands, "I'll be right here with you…You can do this, Darling…I know you can." He said as he left a kiss on her forehead. "Now come on. I would love to meet my soon to be monster in law."

She giggled in response, loving how he could always make her laugh when she was at her worst.

They went up to the door and Bonnie knocked about five times before taking Kol's hand into hers, for comfort.

"It'll be okay." He whispered to her as they heard footsteps approaching the door.

When the door swung open, they were faced with the shocked expression of Abby Bennett.

"Bonnie?" She breathed in shock while Bonnie gave her one stiff nod.

"Hope we're not interrupting anything…She needed to talk to you." Kol chimed in, trying to get Bonnie to ease up a bit.

"Can we come in?" Bonnie asked hesitantly.

"Of...Of course…" Abby stammered as she opened the door wider for them to enter.

As they walked in, Bonnie looked around and saw a framed picture of Jamie…A framed picture of Grams…Of her father…Then she saw the one photo that she still had…Where her and her mother were hugging each other.

She smiled a little and looked at Abby, "I came here to ask you one thing…"

"Go ahead…"

After taking a calming breath and holding Kol's hand tightly in hers, she spoke, "Why did you leave me? Why didn't you take me with you?"

Abby was surprised by her question and shook her head, "I wasn't good for you…We've discussed this."

"No…You've made excuses and I've pretended to believe them."

"I'm sorry Bonnie…I really am, but you'll never understand…Not until you have your own children…I was only thinking of what was best for you…You'll know what I mean when you have your first child."

Bonnie frowned a little, "I guess I'll never understand, because I'm never having children."

"What do you…You're a vampire?!" Abby asked in surprise.

"Points for being bright." Kol said sarcastically.

Bonnie rolled her eyes a little at Kol, "Yes…I am a vampire now…But I wanted to tell you…I may never understand…But…I do forgive you."

Abby smiled, "I'm glad…Thank you! I can make up for it now."

"No…I never said we could make up for it…I don't trust that you won't run again…All I said was that I forgave you…That's it." Bonnie said as Abby tried to hug her.

Abby frowned, "Oh…"

_**From Now On I Won't Be In Carolina, Your Little Girl Is Off To Tennessee**_

"Well…We better be going now." Bonnie said after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"Okay…Well I can go visit you in Mystic Falls…Soon, I promise." Abby told her.

Kol looked at Bonnie and smiled a little.

"Actually…We're gonna be living in Europe for a while…Just traveling…Honeymoon kind of thing so…No point going to Mystic Falls…I won't be there." Bonnie smiled at her. "But it was…nice to see you again."

Abby looked upset but forced a smile and nodded as they walked to the front door.

Bonnie looked back to her, "Take care, Abby."

By that time, Abby had tears gathering in her eyes. "You too, Bonnie."

Bonnie smiled a little then walked out with Kol.

* * *

"Well that went well, didn't it?" Bonnie asked Kol.

"I told ya so…Now you have to learn to trust me, Sweetheart." He teased and she giggled in response.

"Now let's be off to Europe…I'm feeling very…celebratory." She winked at him seductively.

He wasted no time in getting her in their car and driving to the airport, all the while, Bonnie was laughing at her new husband's ways.

_I'm not alone anymore…_ She thought to herself as he drove.

* * *

**_A/N:_**

**_Alright...I have a small case of writer's block for CLC...So many of my writer friends suggested that I listen to music to clear my head...I did so and this popped out ;)_**

**_I think this is a story that has gone untouched by the TVD writers for quite awhile...And I felt like they had to show more of Bonnie's hurt, envy and anger with her mother._**

**_And of course, I had to add Kennett in there at the end, I just couldn't resist!_**

**_Oh! To avoid any confusion with the other pairings that I mentioned rather than show, it is this: Stefan + Rebekah; Klaus+Caroline; April+Elijah; Damon+Elena_**

**_And click that little review button down there...It'd make me happy dance :D_**

**_-WeirdOne_**


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